“Just imagine how proud 8-year-old Gabriela would be at knowing you even played in a Grand Slam!” – Philip Horowitz
And he is absolutely right.
There was a Sacramento news channel segment on me when I was 7 years old, where I proudly said “I want to be in the French Open when I’m 15 already.” Well, I didn’t get it done by 15, but I did play in the US Open at 29. And I should be darn proud of that.
I have written and rewritten this blog multiple times since my match last Tuesday in Flushing Meadows. At first I wanted this to be a critique of my main draw match. However, as time has gone on and I have had time to process the last few weeks, I realised I am not nearly praising myself enough.
As athletes, we are hardwired to focus on the flaws, mistakes, and missteps in order to learn from them. We are told to learn from our mistakes and keep pushing forward. That is what I started doing with my blog article: analysing why I lost in the main draw.
But shortly after Niina and I hit publish, I realised I was looking at this tournament all wrong.
Of course I have analysed my match. Of course I will rewatch the tape and focus on improvement. Of course I will learn what routines, planning, or preparation I can improve on next time. Of course I will keep looking ahead to the next tournaments. (I have a lot more work to do for the rest of the year.)
But I should not forget: I played my first Grand Slam main draw. Main draw!!! And I qualified for the main draw without dropping a single set or even getting into a tiebreak.
That should give me a huge boost of confidence.
I also want to highlight my mental toughness during qualifying. I was leading 6:4 and 4:3 in the final round of qualifying when the match was suspended due to rain. We waited at the facility for many, many hours. Afterwards, Ekaterine played some of her best tennis of the match. She even got many break points at 5:5, but I did not get deterred. In the past, I could have shied away from going for my shots and begin playing timidly, but not this time. I kept pushing, being aggressive, fighting for the match like my life depended on it. This is my proudest moment from qualies.
Now for the main draw…
Was I nervous? Absolutely.
Could I have performed better? Absolutely.
Still, did I play some great tennis in qualies? Absolutely.
Am I incredibly proud of myself for fighting through qualifying and reaching my best result yet? Absolutely.
The tournament journey
6:1, 7:5
vs. Dominika Salkova
6:3, 6:1
6:4, 6:4
vs. Eva Lys
3:6, 3:6
I was in New York City for 2 entire weeks. Never have I been at a single tournament for this long of a stretch. And gosh, am I happy it was in NYC. My brother/travel coach and I both spent a significant chunk of our lives in the United States and enjoy spending time in the U.S. very much, as well as both of us having many college friends in the area. I felt supported like I would at a home tournament.
Side note: a big thank you to everyone who supported me throughout these two weeks. Your messages and photos of you watching my matches make me feel so loved and supported. It means the world to feel like I have an entire team of people around the world by my side in spirit. From my website designer Niina to my best friend Lotti, or my former internship colleagues at C2ES, just to mention a few, a huge thank you to all of you who follow my tennis journey from afar.
A long break
The break between my matches felt shockingly long. I believe I can prepare my mind and body better next time. Aka mental and emotional management. But like my good friend Peter said after my debut main draw appearance, these are some “growing pains.”
I finished my 3rd and final qualifying match on Thursday and played my 1st (and also final) main draw match on Tuesday. That break really got to me. Just like my brother said, “This is the big leagues now; they have long breaks between their matches.”
In general, the time between the last qualifying match and the main draw match felt endless. And even on match day, I had to wait half a day for the rain to ease. Constantly being “on” and getting prepared for the match, while trying to maintain the momentum from qualifying. But you can’t; it is impossible. It will only tire you out more. Qualifying into the main draw has been a big goal of mine for a very long time, and when I finally achieved my goal, I was buzzing so incredibly high on adrenaline. All I wanted to do was continue playing matches. I was feeling comfortable on the court, fueled with motivation, set in my routines from the entire qualifying week, and then I had to reset. It felt like I was beginning an entirely new tournament from scratch, with heightened pressure, focus, and more to lose.
“Just go and enjoy it.” “Don’t think about anything other than the tennis.” “Don’t be nervous.” “You don’t have anything to lose.”
I am an athlete, competitor, and tennis player who believes in her game and aims to break into the top 100. She is not satisfied with just qualifying for the main draw. She wants to go deep into these Grand Slam tournaments—we all do. That is why we play tennis. So going out to play against a world number 98 with the mindset of “just enjoy it” is not possible. I am out there to win.
And unfortunately, sometimes, being out there to win comes with expectations, pressure, and stress. You know there is a spotlight on you. People are watching, expecting results, hoping for you to go far. You can feel the nerves as soon as you step onto the court, even if you did not anticipate them being there. Or, as in my case, you can come out of the gates swinging for a few games, but then get nervous when it is time to pull ahead even further.
For now, I can be very proud of myself for this week, but there is a lot more work ahead of me.
Rapid-fire thoughts on the US Open
There are many people milling around the Players’ Areas at all times. The tournament treats us so well: driving us around in Cadillac Escalades, a designated recovery area in the hotel with massages, Gift Cards from American Express and Uber Eats, all of the Dove hair and body products on demand in the locker room, nice and friendly people available to assist everywhere, a seamstress/tailor, a Dyson hair dryer, and an increase in prize money. (Also, the honey deuces really are that tasty.) I also got very cute congratulatory gifts after my first main draw debut. This is definitely not a comprehensive list: it is just the things that came to my mind as I am writing this.
The US Open does try to make the player experience one of the best in the world, and they are doing a remarkable job at that. I don’t want to get into my deeper thoughts about Craig Tiley’s festival-style US Open right now, but I have enjoyed the newly injected atmosphere which has been brought to the Open. Also, the fans during qualifying week!! It was packed, and as qualifying players, it was very cool to see the fans show up to watch us too. Australian Open might still take the cake in my book, but the US Open is now close behind. I can’t wait to see how the Open looks next year in the newly built player area.
I think that is all I have to say about this tournament for now: if you have any questions about my experience at the Open, feel free to email me or message me on Instagram @gabrielaknutson_. I will be happy to answer any questions you have. It has been an extraordinary, overwhelming, and rewarding experience over the last two weeks.
Now it is time to recharge, get back to training, and head to Portugal for some WTA 125s.