We all have a bully within us. Check out this compilation of racket smashes if you need proof. Most of the time, the bully sounds like either your mother or your father, but we all have one. The bully is your internal narrative—the one that preys on your insecurities, harms your self-worth, and stunts your personal growth and development. Sometimes, this bully can also make you absolutely panic on the tennis court. It’s the little voice in your head that says, “Yeah, you are lazy” when you ask yourself if you should’ve done that extra set of crunches in the gym.
Let’s become friends
What is important (aka what my therapist says is important) is to learn to recognise this negative self-talk as soon as you can. Once you have recognised it, you can work on acknowledging and accepting it. (Don’t worry; this entire blog will not be only self-help therapy-speak.)
Our bullies aren’t always loud—they come out in certain situations, which are unique to each individual and career. In tennis, they typically unleash when we’re missing a lot.
My bully comes out when I make consecutive mistakes I know I shouldn’t. They come to say I am dumb, don’t know the tactics properly, didn’t do enough fitness so I was late to that shot, etc. My bully can go on forever; they have an endless supply of material. Tennis is a sport in which you miss many, many, many times, even if you are playing your best.
One study looked at the precision and recall of missed shots, finding that the percentage of missed shots per match can be 20% to 83%. That is a high number, even if you are at the 20% mark. That’s 20% of the match that your bully can be beating you up for, if you allow it too.
Interestingly, this study found that defensive style players only have a 6-8% lower likelihood of missing than aggressive players. HA, take that counter-punchers! As an aggressive-style player, this makes me feel quite good.
Now, I’m not talking about handling pressure—that’s a different blog post. I am talking about the internal narratives that all athletes must work on to succeed. My coach says that just like a forehand and backhand, working on your mentality is just as essential. That means acknowledging, accepting, and befriending your bully.
Being the bully versus being hard on yourself
There is a big difference between these two mindsets. Being hard on yourself is one of the most important parts of being a professional athlete. If you want to succeed and reach the highest levels of any sport or career, you have to be incredibly hard on yourself. Discipline is not just a requirement of the job; it must be a way of life.
(Of course, being too disciplined leads to burnout, and one must also learn how to rest and recover properly, but I argue that is yet another form of discipline! To force yourself to rest, take time off, live life outside of the sport.)
The bully tells you, “That was a terrible shot, your forehand is so bad.” While being hard on yourself looks like, “That wasn’t the right tactic for that ball, your preparation and set up need to be better, let’s try better next time.” Get it?
So what can you do
Wiggle your toes. I’m just kidding, that’s not the first step. It’s step number 3.
When we are in the bully state, it feels very self-consuming. It is an all-encompassing, overwhelming feeling driven by ego and full of judgment. Constant, torrential judgment and punishment. It feels like you are withdrawn from your body. The key is to get back into your own body.
After acknowledging and accepting your mental state, you need to slooooowww dooooown. In tennis, you see this when athletes take ages to walk to their towel. See Sharapova stepping away to the back fence between every. single. point. That was her routine, her way of restraining her inner bully.
The next step is feeling your body. Wiggling the toes! Sharapova touches her strings, wipes herself down with her towel, does a few little hops. These are all steps in a meticulous routine to relax the nervous system, calm the internal dialogue, and prepare to activate yourself in the rally.
Lastly, do whatever your coach told you to do before that match. The bully can’t bother you if you’re too busy playing chess with your opponent in your mind.
Anyways, wish me luck at Roland Garros this week, hopefully my bully will shut the heck up!