I have opened, started writing, and then quickly closed this blog draft so many times in the last few months. And there are multiple reasons for that. Yes, I have been busy. Yes, things have gotten hectic over the summer. Yes, I’ve been feeling very up and down on court lately. Yes, I felt I needed some time to think about my tennis.
But I am now realizing (with the urging of my excellent website designer and blog editor Niina) that this is precisely the time to talk about things. I cannot just come on here when I am full of confidence.
Because that would mean my tennis performance defines my self-worth, which it shouldn’t and definitely doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong – my results matter a lot. They matter financially, emotionally, and affect my career trajectory. However, I should not feel like I have nothing to write about if I am struggling or feel like no one will care. Highs and lows in tennis happen extremely often: it is normal to be in a slump.
Keeping the right perspective
What my mom often reminds me of is that I was never meant to go pro. I am here because I turned down a Fulbright application and halfheartedly chose to pursue a tennis career, not knowing how it would go in any way. I have played in six Grand Slams – two in this year alone. I have won rounds at Grand Slams. I have won multiple titles in both singles and doubles. I have represented my country at United Cup. I have achieved more than I ever thought I would in tennis.
Unfortunately, as this is my third year on tour, it is very hard to keep this perspective. In a sport where there is always someone trying to beat you, always new up-and-coming junior stars, and always someone having a great run. In this sport, the stories that are not told as much are the girls who drop in the rankings – they are forgotten about. Everyone loves to report on someone’s meteoric rise in the rankings, but we don’t talk about the drops or the losing streaks as much.
So then, when a drop does happen to you, you feel like you are the only one. (Aka Danielle Collins when she was winning everything last year, compared to when she is losing now.)
The tennis world will suck you in and have you connecting your self-worth to your results. This toxic environment will make you feel like no one cares about you, your tennis, or your blog, especially after a few losses. And that is simply not true. (And if you are someone who thinks like that, please kindly unsubscribe.)
Stay tuned
I am back now, and I have so many things to tell you. I also owe you blogs on each of the topics I started but left this summer. As soon as I am done with this swing in Portugal, I will recap my summer and all the ups and downs that came with it. I will share some off-the-court updates and some insights into training and the clay court season.